Stephenie Meyer, have you been talking to J.J. Abrams?

(Breaking Dawn and Fringe SPOILER ALERT)

Dear Stephenie,

Did you catch the second episode of the new (almost-as-good-as Alias, probably-like-X-Files) show on Fox, Fringe? I know you’re sad, sad, sad right now about the internet-leaking of Midnight Sun, and probably you have better things to do than watch House and Fringe on Tuesday nights. Like write. Or play with your three sons or talk to your husband. But some of us don’t (or, we do, but, our husbands have Scouts on Tuesdays anyway, and the kids are asleep/snacking/screaming in their rooms, and writing isn’t getting us anywhere that it’s taking you).

So there I was, watching my new show Fringe, and I have to tell you that Bella’s pregnancy and delivery in Breaking Dawn was my favorite part of that book. I loved how Re-gag-me was a vampiric parasite, much like all babies, who leach the calcium from their mother’s bones and who, if you’re Rh-negative and have a husband who’s Rh-positive, all of your kids will be A-positive and you have to get two extra shots and even more blood drawn so your body won’t turn on them. Which, if you think about it and you think that vampirism is like a virus or blood disease, really makes sense.

Photo from Fox.com. You can watch full episodes at hulu.com or Fox.com.

Anyway, the good people writing Fringe totally stole your idea of the baby who develops, in utero and out, much faster than normal. Of course, they followed the logical conclusion that aging and death would also come prematurely, whereas you came up with some ducks machine about development stopping at a very auspicious time, say, right when Re-gag-me would be a perfect age for the imprinting/newly-vampirphiliac Jacob.

I think Pacey would make a good Jacob, actually, which is another sign that you’ve been talking to J.J. Abrams lately. Or maybe you need a good copyright attorney.

Yours,

Stumble This!

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American Idol Girls

truth.jpgI want you to know that I think reality shows are completely trashy and of no redeeming value. And the worst is when I start watching a show and then can’t. turn. it. off. Have you seen any of that Moment of Truth show? It really is bad. But, since I’m in the baring-my-soul mood, I wanted to answer what is being advertised as one of tonight’s hard questions:

Do you think that you’re a better mother to your children than your mother was to you?

Uh, yeah, like a million-trillion times NOT. My mom is great — besides the usual mommy-wonderfulness, she’s the kind of person who, if she were on that LOST show, everybody would have gotten back home in Season 1. I don’t know what awful things my kids did before this life to get stuck with me. I was going to feel bad for suggesting that my sweet, innocent little babies had ever done anything wrong, but then Susan (3 1/2 yr old Susan) had her third potty accident of the day, and maybe the question I should be asking myself is what did I do wrong?

Anyway, Dick has YM (church youth group) tonight, so I let Sally and Susan watch American Idol with me. If you want a recap of the entire thing, head over to Musings of a Housewife. And for a serious anthropological/fashion question, see Tara Thinks. I’m just gonna hit a couple highlights.

Of course, the 80s were the golden age for music, so this week had a lot of potential for greatness, but, tragically, no one sang Jesse’s Girl or Wild Boys or David Bowie or U2 or anything from Flashdance or Some Kind of Wonderful or — I could go on all night. Not much to say about Guys night because David Archuleta was good, but not fantastic-awesome-goose-bump-inducing. I actually liked Jason Castro a lot. Love the song Hallelujah (first heard on House) and love his eyes, but, please somebody cut those dreds. Loved the Simple Minds song by Michael Johns.

The best part of tonight was getting Sally’s take on Simon. Dick thinks Simon is a god and always right about everybody. I do not have enough musical talent to judge music, so I really appreciate that Simon talks in simple, colorful words that tell me what to think. And I love Paula because when I was thirteen some girlfriends and I did a lip sync to He’s a Cold-hearted Snake, one of the great songs of Western culture. Our choreography was smokin’ too.

Amanda Overmyer actually looked like someone I might trust to take my blood tonight. And she sang well, too. After hearing Simon’s praise of Amanda, Sally said, “I thought she sounded kinda screamy, like a little girl.” ‘Cause she ought to know how screamy a little girl can sound. Carly Smithson was fantastic; might have to download I Drove All Night. Can we take up a collection to get her tattoo removed? Oh, you think that since she does tattooing for a living she probably likes it? Oh, well. hmmm.

Brook White was good again, but why does she keep her eyes closed so much? I agreed with Simon (’cause I’m cool like that) and really liked the acoustic-ish (there still was a full band, with serious guitar-ing) version. That technique is great on such an iconic song. My mind can provide all these great associations and accompaniments, and like Randy (’cause I’m cool like that too) said, I can focus on her voice. Which is great and not pageanty at all.

A Good Day’s Steele

remington-steele.jpgBefore there was Moonlighting and Scarecrow and Mrs. King, there was Remington Steele.

When the show was pitched, Pierce Brosnan’s character was supposed to be a figurehead in the show as well as in the detective agency, but fiction mimicked TV plotting, and Remington Steele became a major character and a major headache for Laura Holt.

I feel like my feminist instincts (admittedly lazy and often dormant) should be offended that a woman (Stephanie Zimbalist) alone could not only not front a detective agency, she couldn’t carry a TV show.

But I just love it: the corny romantic elements, the (unintentional?) double entendres, and the hokey murder investigations with early-80s special effects and dramatic red herrings.

The music is great and sometimes the suspense is almost Hitchcockian. And, oh! The dialogue is some of the best ever. Witty repartee? Zinging one-liners? Fun bantering? Love it.

Here are a few lines from just one episode (Season 1 Episode 13, A Good Night’s Steele):

(reasons for suspecting a doctor/salesman of murder)
“Well, for one thing, I hate people who are abusively nice.”

(while infiltrating and investigating a Sleep Clinic)
“I’d say good night, but honesty prevents me.”

(picking a lock, unsuccessfully)
“Patience, Ivan. Fatigue has blurred my natural gifts.”

I think I can work all those lines, with minimal modification, into my daily speech. Do you have a favorite classic TV show?

Drive to the library: seven minutes with surprisingly quiet kids (maybe they hit the Benadryl?)

One library card: free with proof of residence and one nation’s tax dollars

Remington Steele Seasons 1-5: priceless.

Here’s a classic clip that reminds me of that other great classic, Murder By Death.