Do your parents know what your favorite book is?

Sarah Palin is like a national Rorschach inkblot test, especially for women. What we see when we look at her tells an awful lot about us. I’m not talking her politics per se, I’m talking her great hair, snappy clothes, edgy glasses, and Tina Fey sparkle.

Maybe we hate her because she’s beautiful. Maybe we love her ’cause she’s feisty. Maybe we feel threatened by her seeming ability to have it all. Maybe we think her priorities are really mixed up as we yell at the kids to get their ding-dang shoes on RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Maybe we think she’s the Rosa Parks of the 21st century. Maybe we think a beauty queen could never be king.

I have mixed feelings about her (politically AND personally), but I don’t really care that the Republican National Committee spent $150,000 outfitting her with more bracelet jackets, though reading about it did send me to my Project Runway guide.

Me: What’s a bracelet jacket?

Tara: I don’t know — a cropped jacket maybe?

Me: But I think she wears longer, belted ones too. I think it just means you can see her bracelet when she wears it.

Tara: Oh. I guess that could be it.

The sartorial excesses of the aspirational governing class don’t really offend me. What else are they going to spend all those donations on anyway? More bad TV commercials?

But I’ll tell you what I do care about. Sarah Palin’s parents remember her reading everything from the local newspaper to Little House on the Prairie as a “strong, quiet” child, but they can’t quite recall what her favorite book was as she got older.

That may seem like a little thing. And it would be great if they listed a bunch of books that she read and raved about, but just couldn’t pin it down to one favorite. But no. “Her parents could not recall her favorite books as she grew older, but said they read Reader’s Digest aloud as a family.”

Reader’s Digest, my friends.

Now, I like me some Reader’s Digest when I’m indisposed, and I confess to enjoying a lot of frothy romantic-suspense-mystery-romance in my Thank Everything Holy The Kids Are In Bed time.

But my parents know what my favorite book is.

(And it ain’t Reader’s Digest.)

(Unless I’m on the pot.)

Do your parents know what your favorite book is?

Visit more What’s On Your Nightstand?

A Woman’s Right to Choose

Finding out that someone you like and admire is pro-choice or pro-life is like finding out that they enjoy kicking puppies or like to lock their daughters in the basement.

It’s surprising and unsettling to discover that a friend does not agree with you on something so fundamental as the right to choose or the right to life. McCain’s choice of the very pro-life Sarah Palin has brought these passionate feelings about abortion to the surface (again). And it’s made me rethink my own stance.

I’ve always been a “pro-life with extreme exceptions” kind of person. That’s what my church advocates,* as reiterated in a recent article by one of our apostles. I’ve always thought that, since we can’t seem to agree when “life” begins (or even how we should define “life”), that our intention toward life (or potential life) is what matters. That God judges us on our actions and our intentions.

This theory of intention toward life was strengthened when I miscarried five years ago. At the time I struggled with the question of whether my 11-week-old embryo/fetus was actually a child of mine who had died, or a biological mistake (as the doctors described it) that my body had corrected.

I came to the conclusion that I had not lost a child, but rather experienced a common occurrence of nature taking its course. For a while I wondered what that meant for my beliefs about abortion. (If I had not lost a child, was there ever a “life” in my womb?)

The difference between abortion and miscarriage is clear, though: intent. My intention toward the life/potential life I carried was the same whether it was actually a child or a misformed mass of cells. I felt that my intention was what mattered, since I had no way of knowing if there had actually been a life there. And so I continued on in my “pro-life with extreme exceptions” philosophy.

But lately I’ve been wondering about those exceptions (health of the mother and rape/incest). Sarah Palin was the first politician I’d been aware of who is pro-life with fewer exceptions than me.

The longer I thought about the exceptions, the more conflicted I felt. If we make exceptions, if we say that it is okay to end a pregnancy if the physical health of the mother is in danger, or if we say that abortion in cases of rape/incest is okay if the mental health of the mother is in danger, doesn’t that imply (or declare) that whatever life or potential life is in the womb is of less value (less existence) than the life of the mother? That the mother is more of a human being than the embryo fetus, because preserving her life is more important?

Then how do we evaluate women who are not raped, but who might seek abortions for their mental health?

Remember Andrea Yates? When her story first hit, I had no children, and I was quick to condemn her as a monster. Then I had kids, and I thought about her sometimes. Once you’ve experienced the dragging fatigue of caring for a newborn, you develop empathy for a woman who must have felt completely overwhelmed by the demands of her five children and tortured by her post-partum psychosis.

If abortion in case of danger to the mental health of the mother is justified in extreme cases, then perhaps Andrea Yates’ case is worthy of even more sympathy and excuse.

I find myself torn. The exceptions bother me. If I accept them, then it’s harder to see why abortions in certain other cases are not also justifiable. (Abortion as a means of primary birth control is not embraced by anyone, as far as I can tell. From a feminist or world-health perspective, women (and men) should insist on condom use to slow the spread of STDs, even beyond the prevention of pregnancy).

If I reject the exceptions as not valuing the life of the embryo/fetus enough, then I would be even more pro-life than Sarah Palin (and my church, incidentally).

I am sure of a couple things. First, that I probably won’t be a one-issue voter any time soon. And second, that a woman should have the right to choose whether she is pro-life or pro-choice without worrying that other women will label her “anti-woman.”

As women who have given birth or who contemplate giving birth, we have a unique perspective on bringing life into the world — what it costs us physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. And we know the joy it brings us, the compensation of having small children who run to us for kisses better and a hug to block out the world.

And — pro-choice or pro-life, most of us are pro-woman.

Jane

*All of these thoughts are my own, obviously; I’ve shared what I interpret my church’s stand to be, but any mistakes are my own.

Sarah Palin at the RNC (I feel so horribly betrayed)

At first I was skeptical about Sarah Palin. I even wrote a post called Can a stay-at-home mom be Pro-Palin? And then I watched her speech last week.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that a woman can have it all?

I feel like everything I’ve ever known about what a woman can be and should be, what she can have and should want to have, has been turned on its head.

Remember paradigm shifts? Remember when it seemed your paradigm shifted every week (puberty)? Remember when you grew up and your paradigm seemed to never shift past the next diaper change and yesterday’s batch of macaroni and cheese?

Sarah Palin seems to be the embodiment of post-feminism. As a tomboy/beauty queen/college graduate/wife/mother/mayor/establishment-taker-on-er/governor/vice-presidential candidate, she rocks!

I think we just saw Rosa Parks sitting in the front of the bus.

Did you see Piper (the 7 year-old daughter) licking her hand and smoothing down baby Trig’s hair?

Did you hear Palin introduce her “man” and her parents?

Did you wish you could be adopted and play under her desk while she made important phone calls?

I did.

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Can a Stay-at-Home Mom be Pro-Palin? *Updated*

When I was young and naive, I was active in the Young Republicans. We did a phone bank for some terribly important initiative, and we invited our U.S. Representative to the Spanish Fork High School. We canvassed for voter registration, and I enjoyed the American Legion Auxiliary Girls’ State. Politics, in other words, was big.

Politics makes you think you can change the world. If you can register an old lady living with seven cats in a weed-choked little house to vote, you can change the world.

Until you grow up and realize that even Republicans cheat on their wives and even Democrats drive gas-guzzling black SUVs.

I’ve been drifting slowly leftwards ever since, but I’m still a Republican, except when I entertain Libertarian fantasies.

I’m also a woman. And a Christian. These things should all go well together, but sometimes there’s tension.

At church on Sunday, Sally (7) asked me about the hymn we were singing, which starts: “Tis sweet to sing the matchless love Of Him who left His home above And came to earth — oh wondrous plan — To suffer, bleed, and die for man.”

Why Mom, she wanted to know, Why does it say “man” instead of “girls” or “women”?

I gave her the spiel — man is short for “mankind” and means both men and women, and girls and boys. Like when people say “The Dick and Jane Family,” and they really mean Sally, Susan, and Spot too. That answer satisfied her for now, and it satisfies me.

Mostly. Sometimes, though, I wonder why even the language I speak excludes me.

Wouldn’t it be great to show my daughter a female Commander-in-Chief?

I learned of Sarah Palin‘s being chosen for the VP spot on the Republican ticket from the Mommy Internets on Twitter. It should be a most fantastically exciting political development. I’ve never really liked Hillary: it’s easy for even an unenthusiatic Republican to be pretty disgusted by the whole Clinton machine.

But Sarah Palin! Miss Wasilla! Married to high school sweetheart! Mother of Five! Pro-Life! Something about Polar Bears!

What a dream it would be to have someone interesting and admirable and exciting and female AND Republican to vote for.

So why aren’t I down at the local caucus volunteering for flyer-envelope-licking duty? What could I possibly have against someone who hasn’t done enough in office to have much of a record on issues and policies?

Can a Stay-at-Home Mother be Pro-Palin?

Many pro-lifers are excited about Palin, because she chose to continue her fifth pregnancy even after finding out her son had Downs Syndrome.

Now she has chosen to run for the Vice Presidency of the United States when that baby is four-months-old, and I’d like to know how and why she made that choice, and how it’s going to work.

I’m not saying that mothers shouldn’t work. Each woman has a unique set of circumstances that affects what she wants to do and what she can do and what she has to do. Different women have different energy levels, interests, ambitions, and abilities. We also differ in our family support, number of children, age of children, health, economic resources, and social and academic opportunities, etc.

Most women spend a lot of their time balancing their own needs and wants with those of their families. (Good husbands and fathers do the same).

Marriage is a partnership, and if Palin’s husband were a stay-at-home parent, I’d have no reservations whatsoever about her ambitions. If one partner in a marriage has an extremely unconducive-to-family-life job, it’s nice if the other is able to give greater attention to the children. One benefit of unconducive-to-family life jobs is that they are usually well-compensated enough to allow the other parent this luxury.

Can a Working Mother be Pro-Palin?

Governor Palin was back at the office three days after giving birth. Is that the sort of life-work balance working mothers are striving for?

The winners of November’s election will influence policies that affect mothers, stay-at-home and working. Will we have more tax credits for childcare? An equivalent tax credit for stay-at-home-parent care? Will we raise taxes to expand subsidization of day care and Head Start? Will family leave and maternity/paternity benefits increase or decrease?

Does Governor Palin understand why a woman would choose to stay home and the challenges she faces? Does she understand what most working women struggle with in seeking to balance kids and careers?

Sarah Palin was chosen for the express purpose of appealing to female voters and Hillary Clinton supporters and working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. But I’m not going to vote for someone just because they’re female or just because they’re Republican or just because they’re pro-life. I’d like to know what my candidate’s positions are, in life and in work, before I cast my vote.

Side note on Personal v. Public lives. It’s ridiculous to say that what politicians do in their private lives doesn’t affect their public service. Half (or more) of Palin’s appeal is supposed to be that she’s female, which is as personal as it gets. Also, no one complains when childhood anecdotes illustrate how deprived or hardworking or determined or principled candidates are. Should their actions and choices in adulthood carry less weight than whether or not they chopped down a cherry tree?

Natalie at Politics for Mom said this this morning:

As a mom, I am also not fond of the discussion that’s starting about how [Palin] should stay at home and raise her disabled and troubled kids. We already carry so much guilt as moms . . . especially when it comes to working and not working. It’s bad enough when your family and friends question your decision, but imagine having to answer to an entire nation. Would I be running for vice president if I was in her position? Probably not. But I respect her decision.

Yes, imagine having to answer to an entire nation. And if that doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in, please don’t run for a national office.

Side note on the possibly purloined pregnancy. I’m going to hope that Governor Palin was telling the truth about her baby. CNN agrees, though I don’t know anyone else who hid a pregnancy that well. Not even Shirley Jones in The Music Man.

*Updated* Phyllis @ Aimless Conversation linked to this article about Todd Palin taking a leave of absence to spend more time with the kids and avoid conflicts of interest when Sarah Palin became governor.

So many are enraged that anyone would even talk about her being a mother in the same breath as her candidacy. Well, I just don’t agree. Personal life choices reflect policy positions (or vice versa).

The fact that Palin didn’t abort her Downs baby shows that she’s staunchly pro-life. No one gets mad when this connection is trumpeted, because it’s an obvious conclusion to draw.

The fact that Palin was back at work immediately after giving birth shows that she might not be staunchly pro-maternity leave. Doesn’t it?

Just read this article at the Washington Post, and now don’t know whether to vote for her or ask to be adopted . . . or ask . . . Where can I get a Todd Palin of my own?